Theological Woo

Often I know what I’m going to write about each week and sit down to start it a day or two ahead of time. Other times, like today, I don’t really know.

I understand writer’s block firsthand, I get it. But when people say they don’t know what to write about, I say just start writing. Stop your complaining and start by typing, “I don’t know what to write about.”

My struggle is more getting to the keyboard and that blank page in the first place. And I guess perhaps not everyone is as in tune with the stream of consciousness in their head as I am. Or not bold enough to share that stream of consciousness. All that to say …

Passengers, fasten your seatbelts and hold on to your hats.

I did say at lunch on Sunday, “That’ll be the subject of this week’s blog post,” in response to the conjecture that … wait for it …

Jesus had IBS.

You have no idea the party you’re missing by not dining with my crowd after church. We did invite a soul eating alone at a nearby table to join us. I have no idea why he declined.

Also I was joking about IBS being in the blog, but it’s now Thursday and here we are.

Jesus had IBS. Just kidding. I think that’s a load of excrement. ~ Jennifer Grashel Share on X

IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. In case you’ve been living under a rock and not listening to pharmaceutical commercials telling you what medication to request from your doctor to address said condition.

The friend uttering this conjecture was merely repeating what he heard recently from a pastor occupying a pulpit in a location that will remain undisclosed. The IBS thing is a vast extrapolation of what the bible actually said about Jesus weeping over the death of his friend Lazarus (who, you will recall, he raised from the dead after a few days). Apparently the original Greek translates something like, “He felt it in his bowels.” In modern day language we’d more likely say he felt it in his gut. Someone said they’d been taught the modern day equivalent would be more like, “He felt it in his heart.”

I can buy that maybe Jesus felt some digestive upset when hearing the news a close friend had passed. Jesus was fully human as well as fully God, after all. But IBS? That pastor needs to rein it in.

Whatever you do, do not Google Jesus, Lazarus, and bowels. Don’t. Do. It. You’ll get things like “16 Bible Verses About Bowels” and a whole lot of woo. Big, gigantic piles of woo. Woo, meaning, um, well since we’re talking about bowels and I try to keep things PG around here …

Excrement.

Theological excrement asserting all kinds of crazy theories. People actually believe this stuff? We’re all going straight to hell.

Here’s a spoon. Maybe it can be used to shovel some of those theories to where they belong.

Never mind. It probably belonged to my grandma. I rescued it from drowning and returned it to the kitchen sink.

Spend your time instead helping the poor, loving your neighbor, and at least reading The Message translation. Which makes no mention of bowels. I checked.

Peace out, Girl Scouts.

Share this post: