No, not Big Brother.
Not the NSA, CIA, FBI, big tech, etc.
Not the Illuminati.
I’m not even speaking theologically about God, guardian angels, etc.
If you’re singing this tune by now, though, you’re my kind of people.
My Ohio State fan cutout arrived a couple weeks ago. I expected it to be life-size, or at least life-size-ish. I didn’t expect it to be larger than life.
You guys, my head is really large. So … when we say “burritos as big as your head” (are those still available on High Street?) … what does that even mean anymore?!?
I mean, we all know I’m larger than life. Now … here’s your sign.
It cost an extra twenty bucks to have the cutout mailed to me at the end of the season. We’ve had more than twenty bucks worth of fun with it.
What a long, strange year it’s been. One in which fan cutouts are now a thing.
One in which memes of our governor have abounded. Namely, those memes in which he’s lurking in the bushes to make sure no one is violating large gathering and curfew rules.
You never know, my fan cutout might start lurking in a shrubbery near you.
Happy New Year, friends. Enjoy your socially distanced and virtual celebrations. I’ve got some more quarantine, I mean holiday baking to do.
