Blog – Page 13 – Jennifer Grashel

To NoVA and Beyond

When last we spoke, I was having fun saying “Belshazzar” as many times as possible. I was reminded this week how fun it is to say “Djibouti”. Bonus points will be awarded to those aware of how to pronounce Djibouti, those who know Djibouti is a country, and those who know where Djibouti is.

Last weekend I traveled with family and friends not to Djibouti but to Washington, DC, USA. It’s a six to seven hour drive from where we live, depending on traffic, number of stops, and so forth. By the way, if you ever drive I70 through Washington, PA, and don’t experience construction, pull off somewhere and buy a lottery ticket. There is always construction and the traffic that goes with it in Washington, PA.

After debating lunch spots on Friday, we stopped in Cumberland, Maryland, remembering a cute sandwich shop in the C&O Canal Cumberland National Historical Park. European Desserts and More offers, yes, desserts, but the “More” includes Bosnian Spinach Pie … a cross between spanakopita and quiche. This time my sister and I split the pie and a chicken salad croissant. The chicken salad is oniony – just the way we like it. After striking up a conversation with owner Sasha, he returned to our outside table with a giant slice of peanut butter chocolate cake and multiple forks. Oh so delicious. Worth a visit.

We skipped the canal museum this time (which is free and full of interesting history) in favor of venturing across the river to George Washington’s Headquarters, where he hung out during the French and Indian War. Along the path we found an homage to Fort Necessity, which you may recall we visited a couple weeks ago. The cabin itself is open only on very limited occasions, but you can peer through the windows and say you’ve been there.

Historic cabin! We were so excited. Consensus of the group was that the “George Washington’s Headquarters” sign was probably not original.

After food and history, it was onward to NoVA for … more history. We took the hop-on-hop-off bus tour of Arlington National Cemetery – worth the $15 both for the transportation and the knowledgeable tour guides – arriving at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier just before the Changing of the Guard ceremony.

The next day we drove into the city, parking at Union Station and Metro-ing from there.

Union Station “could you wrinkle your forehead to look as old as possible” selfie.

First we did a brief self-guided tour (free!) of the Library of Congress. I could spend days staring at the architecture and exhibits,

Next we made our way to Pennsylvania Avenue for lunch, coffee, and tourism. Yes, in the vicinity of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Public tours of the White House are limited, but you can find information on how to request them here.

Our tour may have been an insider version. I’ll just say no photography is permitted in the West Wing and non-government cell phones must be placed in a box on the way in. We had opportunity to tour the Eisenhower Executive Office Building as well. If you like architecture and history … the entire building is just stunning. “Wow wow wow” was the quote of the day.

Eisenhower Building historic mirror selfie.

Sunday morning we worshipped Jesus from the banks of the Potomac. Some people seek out a local church to attend when on vacation, which sometimes I’ll do, but more often I’m known to “worship Jesus from the beach” or wherever I am. When one is in church every time the doors are open and often when not … a little change in routine is perfectly fine.

We timed our visit to arrive just after a 5K race at Mount Vernon. After taking the basic $20 tour, circle around to the porch facing the Potomac River and sit for a while. It had been a few years since I’d been, but Mount Vernon is always high on my list when in the area. The biggest surprise this time – they now allow photography (non-flash) inside the house!!! Which is super nice since they tend to rush the tours a bit. You can review your pics later to relive the experience.

Despite the weather being a bit uncomfortably warm and despite my feet being in terrible shape thanks to wearing dressy sandals around the district the day before … I made it around the grounds, enjoyed wandering through the gardens, had a lovely conversation with Washington’s butler, Frank Lee, and walked down the hill to George and Martha’s tomb and back up. We even got to witness a wreath laying by sailors from the USS George Washington, who had just run the 5K that morning.

From this far away the scaffolding doesn’t show so much. Renovations currently underway.

“Oh my the sun is so intense today I’m not gonna last long here on the porch” selfie.

Original key to the Bastille, presented to George by the Marquis de Lafayette.

Following lunch at the food court and a whirlwind tour of the gift shop and museum, onward back to Ohio it was.

Time to book the next trip.

Belshazzar Belshazzar

Not really sure what I’m writing about today, other than I Corinthians 14 and Belshazzar keep crossing my path this week.

Belshazzar. Say it five times fast.

Belshazzar, Belshazzar …

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice …

Welcome to my scattered mind. Like usual, my to do list is larger than the time available. I’m packing for one trip (or should be) while planning the next two. Trying to do the essential while leaving the optional for later.

All while optimizing efficiency, of course.

Self-care is essential.

Cashing in my rewards discount for someone else to do it is efficient.

Leaving the music on shuffle and listening to Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story while I write isn’t particularly efficient. But hey, let’s listen to it again.

Now about I Corinthians 14. Not a controversial or challenging passage or anything. It’s that chapter about speaking in tongues. The Message translation does a good job of making the actual point in modern language, though.

Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it because it does. ~ 1 Corinthians 14:1 (MSG) Share on X

So there’s that.

WordPress hates me and my iPhone camera. I wish I had time to troubleshoot.

Belshazzar was the Party King of Babylon. He famously saw the Hand Writing on the Wall – interestingly in Aramaic – after which he dropped dead.

So there’s that.

In more breaking news from today’s shuffle soundtrack … A Little More You, which I have declared the theme song of adjusting the worship team monitor mixes during soundcheck. It’s a secular song. Remain calm. If no one has ever broken out in Tom Petty or referenced AC/DC during your rehearsal, are you even trying?

We interrupt this post for Jenn to move from a wifi network that is soooooo sllllloooooowwww iiiiitttttt’ssssss cruuuuuuushing alllllllll her hopes and dreams for efficiency and clean laundry today.

Okay, that’s better. Reservations for trip number three updated, video link for that last paragraph screened (the background color matches my pretty pretty pink post-selfcare toes, by the way), and … iced coffee acquired.

Until next time, go read some Corinthians and Belshazzar, I guess? And keep looking up.

Crosses in the sky … or does it say “Surrender Dorothy” in there somewhere?

The Bare Necessities

This post’s title might make you think of this song, which isn’t a bad thing. I’ve been singing it in my head for days.

What inspired it, though, was last weekend’s road trip.

I piled into the car at 8am Saturday with my sister and our dad. We really only needed two of us, but Dad and “sitting still” are two phrases that never appear in the same sentence. Also our mission was to pick up a car from a mechanic before noon, so having someone along who is skilled in more than just the basics of car repair wasn’t a bad idea.

We drove three hours, exiting the interstate to take a toll road in Pennsylvania. I hadn’t experienced this route before, but my sister and a friend had stories to tell from an entire month prior about the unmanned toll plazas. The tolls vary from $2.20 to $2.80, requiring you to toss coins in the bin and/or feed paper money into the hungry slot. (The machine does issue change.) My dad, as an always prepared Boy Scout parent and grandparent, but mostly as what I call a True Engineer, had us set up with used (but washed) Tim Horton’s cups and rolls of change.

I had to be trained in the procedure of loading the correct change into a cup in order to toss the whole shebang toward the big coin bin. The cup itself doesn’t go in the bin, of course. It just aids in not dropping change onto the ground or the floor of the car.

After an uneventful car pickup, a local recommended the Braddock’s Restaurant & Tavern for lunch. I had an excellent wedge salad, while my dining companions had sandwiches and what I’m told was excellent clam chowder. The soundtrack was all 90s country, which is primarily what I listened to in the 90s, living most of that decade in the South. I have video evidence from the restaurant, but we’re not gonna post that.

When I say there was a lot of blue (bleu?) cheese dressing, I’m not kidding.

We had become aware Braddock’s grave was nearby. Wandering until we found the correct side of the property, we got some steps in while learning some history.

We are quite familiar with the name “Braddock”. Having a family history of residing in Northern Virginia, aka NoVA, indeed when driving in that area it seems, “They ran out of ideas and named every road Braddock.” Listen to this classic by DJ Dan Smith for an accurate picture of NoVA life. And only a few generations ago, one of our ancestors immigrated from Ireland as part of General Braddock’s army.

This was pre-American Revolution, during French and Indian War times. History I’ve mostly forgotten since learning it in school. But the Laurel Highlands of Western Pennsylvania is rich in history from that era. General Braddock came over with troops from both England and Ireland to assist George Washington in building the National Road.

Those men cleared three miles a day of trees in what is not flat, easy terrain. Braddock was killed in action, so Washington had soldiers bury him under the road and then march across the grave to disguise the location. The fear was the enemy would desecrate the grave if they found it. So my several times great-grandpa likely marched across this very location! Historic steps!

Original gravesite. Braddock was later exhumed and relocated to the fancier location closer to the current National Road.

It’s a steep walk down to the original site.

Oh but there was more history to geek out over!

We backtracked only a couple of miles to Fort Necessity , dubbed as such by George Washington, who called it, “… a charming field for an Encounter.”

We found a well-equipped visitor center and museum, complete with introductory video.

Our dining companions. They were kind of quiet .

Outside we met a tour guide to show us the grounds. You can wander at your own pace, but I recommend taking the guided tour. It’s free and full of information. (There’s also a small playground for anyone with children who need to burn off energy.)

We heard more than once, “If this were 1755, where would you say we are? Pennsylvania? Ohio? New York? Louisiana, aka New France? Canada?”

The answer is nobody knows. It was all in dispute.

Next we met up with a British soldier who further fulfilled our nerdish tendencies.

Soldier Tom was grateful for the dry, mild weather, but all those layers of clothing have to be uncomfortably hot on a typical August day.

Then we walked over to the replica of the original fort. It is not large. But it did have room to store the rum rations each soldier was given daily.

Earthworks built for protection. It didn’t provide much.

I didn’t have a particular plan for the day other than the car pickup. Maybe see if some friends who live in the area were around, maybe find somewhere to get out and walk, maybe find coffee. Instead, it was a beautiful day full of super interesting history and several glasses of iced tea at Cracker Barrel on the way back home.

Supernatural Freedom

“Life is doing what comes supernaturally.”

That phrase leapt out at me from this morning’s devotional reading.

Writing this post may have to come supernaturally.

Supernaturally, which is very different from Big Brother Zuckerberg-ally.

Use the word “pledge” in a post, and Facebook now urges you to create a fundraiser.

By the way, a drum set doesn’t really have notes. That’s not how any of this works.

“Pledge” is a perfectly good English word. You can pledge allegiance to the flag, you can pledge to lay down a B-flat. Pledging is not necessarily to the Jerry Lewis Labor Day weekend telethon.

The SoMe algorithms draw us in and lead us down the primrose path as defined by marketers. The holy spirit draws us in and leads us down the path defined by scripture as straight and narrow. To the naked human eye it looks anything but. It might even look foolish. Even to those of us who call ourselves followers of Christ.

Life is doing what comes supernaturally. ~Brennan Manning Share on X

“Law is perfectly compatible with liberty.”

We talk about “freedom in Christ” in our Christianese circles, but do we really understand it? Do we feel it? I think some of that understanding comes with maturity in the faith, and some of it will ebb and flow. As we run up against struggles, “law” we don’t like, and “did God really say?” challenges that are rarely so clearly stated … it doesn’t feel very free. Not at first glance anyway.

In the midweek video study yesterday – in which Rick Warren’s pronunciation of “Abednego” is still triggering me, by the way – we talked about letting God fight our battles for us.

Whoa. How soon we forget.

Go read Daniel 3:16 and keep going for a few verses.

P.S. Kudos if you sang the title of this post to the tune of an Elton John song. You’re my kind of people.

I saw this after last week’s post. Food for thought.

You Should Travel

On the road again … ding ding ding ding …

Well not quite yet. I didn’t travel far today. I’m in my go to undisclosed location. Uber Jack knows how to find me.

I didn’t expect to spend as much time as I have this past week on travel planning, but autumn adventures await. Other than Estes Park, Colorado – where you should join me at Ragamuffin Camp – I’ll keep the destinations undisclosed for now.

(Go here to register for camp and go here to book a room. You’re also welcome to stay offsite. Yes, I am Julie, your cruise director.)

Lesson learned: the more people traveling together the more diverse the opinions on what we should do and how we should do it. “Lesson learned” sounds negative. It’s not meant to be. Perhaps a better way to state it is … when you care about everyone being happy with the trip, you take the time to make sure that happens.

I’ve been seeing posts and articles and emails about travel lately, so I’m taking that as my sign to just do it. Research hotel versus Airbnb prices, amenities, and locations. Research driving versus flying. See who’s got time and budget for what. Narrow down the sightseeing choices to what’s important to everyone and what fits into the allotted time.

Group travel is good. Solo travel is good. Just travel.

Having been a road warrior at times, I have a few rules of travel.

The first rule, handed down from my grandfather is this. Take half as many clothes and twice as much money.

Take half as many clothes and twice as much money. ~ Grandpa Grashel #travel Share on X

Twice as much money. Things happen. Opportunities arise. Have enough flexibility in your budget to deal with emergencies and delays and to take advantage of fun things you didn’t expect.

Travel within your budget. It is perfectly acceptable to travel less often, closer to home, to less expensive destinations, and during the off-season. I’m a fan of Hotwire for hotel and rental car booking. Sometimes you find you’re aiming for too pricey a destination or time period. It’s okay to step back and formulate Plan B, C, D, E, etc.

You also don’t want to be burdened with lugging around more luggage than necessary. Pants and shorts can be reworn multiple times. Plan on buying a souvenir t-shirt or two and wearing them on your trip. For longer excursions, do laundry after a few days.

Especially when business or business casual attire are required, consider color coordinating your wardrobe with your footwear. Fewer shoes make for more room in the suitcase. A project manager used to make fun of me for my based-on-black fashion choices.

Black is trés chic.
He wasn’t flying to work every other week.
Men’s business casual and women’s business casual are two very different animals.

The second rule, which is Jenn’s First Rule of Flying, is avoid O’Hare. My bad experiences far outweigh the good there. Also the zip code is 60666. It is the devil’s airport.

Other rules, in no particular order … and somewhat stream of consciousness style …

Be kind and courteous to transportation and hospitality workers. They can help you navigate any travel snafus, advise on dining and entertainment options, and give you an idea of how safe and secure the area is.

If you are a newbie traveler or flyer, it’s okay to ask what you think may be a dumb question. You don’t know what you don’t know. The vast majority of airline and hotel employees are happy to help. It’s their job.

I travel with shake supplies for breakfast. If vacationing solo, I’ve been known to eat out for lunch and have leftovers or order in for dinner if I get the vibe that being out after dark might not be a great idea. If it’s safe, I’m happy to grab a table for one.

Dining out alone is a glorious thing. I’ve had my share of looks from hosts and hostesses who seem to think a woman dining alone is a thing to be pitied. They need to get over themselves. I used to travel so much that even when home I’d stop at Shoney’s for dinner on my five minute commute. And I wouldn’t order whatever the buffet offering was. I was tired and I needed someone to wait on me.

When traveling on business, fit in fun if you can. I’ve seen Carlsbad Caverns, the Grand Canyon, several beaches and amusement parks in California, and the North Sea that way. It used to be that airfare was so substantially less if staying over a Saturday night that my employer was happy to pay for a couple extra days of hotel, car, and meals. That’s not so much the case anymore, so you may need to negotiate picking up the tab for those so you can go play for the weekend.

As a girl from Ohio, if there is a beach within a couple hours of your destination, figure out how to get there. Rent a car. Take a taxi or Uber. I used to travel with a business partner who would ask hotel staff about the best barbecue place in town. We’d check our bags with the bellman on our last day, go have a delicious lunch, and then return to the hotel to catch a ride to the airport. Schedule your flights to allow for such fun.

Now. Go figure out your next adventure.

The Fairy Trail

Are you familiar with the fairy garden trend? Even though I avoid Pinterest, it’s still difficult to ignore the cute little figurines and accessories intended to be placed amongst the foliage and moss in people’s flower gardens. To be honest, I may someday end up with a fairy garden, but thus far it hasn’t risen to the top of my priority list. There are only twenty-four hours in each day, after all.

Problem solved.

My local library set up a fairy trail at nearby Infirmary Mound Park.

Relying on my friends with young children to inform me of such things, a posse picnic lunch was scheduled earlier this week. What, you don’t have a posse? Everyone should have a posse. Anyway, it was BYOBL … Bring Your Own Bag Lunch. There were bonus organic red raspberries and cherry tomatoes from the Gluten & Grain Free Gourmet. (Buy her baked goods.) Unlike what you find in the grocery store, the cherry tomatoes had actual flavor. Delicious flavor.

Being in a crowd educated in the ways of math, science, and nutrition, we discussed climate science as well as alternate ways to up one’s iron intake. Alternate meaning beyond supplements or consuming more spinach, kale, and liver. I’m gagging at the mere mention of liver. Thankfully my mother gags at the idea and never served it to us as children.

Breathe in, breathe out, think about … chocolate.

Okay, I’m better now.

It’s a known fact that cooking in a cast iron skillet can add iron to one’s diet. People have been cooking with cast iron since, well since cast iron was invented. What I had never heard of was dissolving a rusty nail in a glass of water.

Dissolving a rusty nail in a glass of water! And drinking it!

It was verified later in the day that consuming apples studded with iron nails may provide equivalent or better iron levels than consuming supplements.

A rusty apple a day keeps the doctor away. #WondersNeverCease #CantMakeMe Share on X

Please note the disclaimer at the end of the report, “Toxicity tests must be done on the nails before allowing human consumption, as many iron nails contain toxic substances.” So the jury is still out on whether nails are gluten free.

Oh yeah, the fairy trail. There are no age restrictions – grownups can go without kids. Also be aware that on the way to the woods you’ll be walking by a lake, so keep an eye on any small children prone to wander.

The walk along the lake reminded me of Uncle Bob’s lake when I was a child. Lake? Pond? What did we call it? Anyway, we used to have the family picnic there every summer. On a Sunday after church we’d drive past the lake, change clothes at our great grandma’s house, and – if we were well-behaved and didn’t dawdle – we might be allowed to walk down the big hill and along the lake to the shelterhouse while our parents drove the car around.

I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle the fairy trail this week. I had a random minor foot injury, and in my world there is no such thing as a minor injury. (Long, boring story.) The pain had me hobbling slightly, but sitting at a picnic table combined with divine intervention probably improved my situation long enough for a stroll.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ~ Hebrews 12:1

After the sunlit walk along the lake, into the shaded woods on the Wildflower Trail we went.

A high school friend used to quote our math teacher telling her she was on the primrose path. I didn’t see any primroses today.

I feel like we might be going in circles a la Winnie-the-Pooh or Gilligan.

We found fairy garden scenes, laminated storybook pages, a few educational signs about the plants in the area, and other fun.

Drawing supplies to leave a note for the fairies!

I’ll let you go check out the rest of the scenery yourself.

Little Bunny Foo Foo

I’m not sure if we have a bunny nest in the yard, but this one seems to be hanging around more than you’d expect. I spotted it (him? her? I don’t know its preferred pronouns …) as I arrived home last night. Not seeing it dash off across the yard to the great forsythia forest, I waited to hit the button on the garage door remote, prepped my phone camera by having it zoomed, got out of the car as quietly as I could, and skipped closing the driver’s door.

Dude! Or dudette! Do you have a death wish?

I darn near ran over the thing and it just sat there!

Actually, thanks to a fan of dark humor I helped raise, I am aware that The Book of Bunny Suicides is a thing.

Little Bunny Foo Foo found its second wind and ran off to find some field mice or something. I did get a pretty decent action shot of its departure.

Word is still out on whether it turned into a goon.

Sing the song to yourself. You’ll get it.

Or just use the Google.

Speaking of dark humor …

Why did the turtle cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

Why did the turtle cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken. Share on X

I’ll skip the Ferrari joke for now.

It’s now August and summer is about half over. Maybe more than half depending on your own calendar of events. Soon the season of everything pumpkin will be upon us. I do enjoy pumpkin baked goods, and I’ve had pumpkin gnocchi and pumpkin pasta sauce that were outstanding. You can keep your pumpkin spice lattes and frappuccinos and macchiatos. Those drinks are generally so full of sugar I’m not interested.

Or as Wilford Brimley might say, those drinks are full diabeetus. Never go full diabeetus.

Also consider not rushing the season so much you miss the current one. Memories of the past and hopes for the future are important, but if social media is any indication (and that’s debatable) … too many of us are spending too much time somewhere other than the present.

Hobby Lobby missed that memo, as these were up at the beginning of July.

Back to bunnies, particularly those named Foo Foo. Some questions to discuss amongst yourselves …

Who have you been metaphorically bopping on the head?
Why did you pick them up in the first place? Were they even supposed to be your concern?
Have you been metaphorically bopping yourself on the head?
Is there something (like an approaching car) you really should flee from but haven’t?

Those are all the deep thoughts for now. Keep looking up, kids.

Digressionism

Exhale.

It’s been a day. It’s been a week. Ha, when hasn’t it been.

As I sit down to write this, Willie Nelson is the current soundtrack at Starbucks. Which is not a genre you generally expect in the greater Columbus, Ohio area. But maybe Sbux and Willie are both in favor of inhaling?

As a teenager practicing piano, I’d often follow practice time with a few tunes for fun, running through whatever sheet music was sitting around. It was a regular occurrence to hear my mom yell from the other room, “Play Willie Nelson!” That was a request for Always on My Mind, which just finished playing here in the coffee shop.

But I digress. Which happens a lot. Fair warning, there may be many digressions in this post. Digression rhymes somewhat with discretion and indiscretion, which probably means something.

Anyway.

Frequently in the last week when I’ve attempted work or self-care, I’ve been digressed. Sometimes by a thing that’s the better choice. An unexpected and needed conversation with a friend. A book I knew was coming in the mail but wasn’t sure when. Sometimes by unexpected fun.

What’s that popping sound? Random bubble wrap I ran over with my cart at Target.

I might have backed up and run over it several times.

Sometimes by unexpected blessings, like someone at Panera thinking I need more carbs and Parm than are in my plan.

This is what was left after I ate my salad.

Hard to tell, but this is a baguette as big as your head. I did eat the whole thing.

Sometimes by pretty things.

”Jellyfish” décor for a beach-themed bday party.

Hey, do you know what’s inside a jellyfish? Jelly, you say? No! Fish!

Bahahahahaha.

Don’t worry, it’s a family joke. Much like …

Hey what’s your favorite color?
Shut up.
Mine is you’re stupid.

Also I suppose with Shark Week coming up I’d be remiss if I didn’t call someone a shark-licker.

Again, digression.

Slow wifi is still getting in my way.

Barnes & Noble, I’m calling you out. Your wifi is so slow it’s taking 500 years for YOUR app to load. What up.

Physically I seem to be on the struggle bus. Allergies are in overdrive, but given the detailed pollen counts I’m not quite sure why. Someone must have looked at me cross-eyed.

I also seem to be dropping things. The name of the makeup product shown here decorating my khaki capris is “warmth”. I use it as blush. Those aware of my “persistent paleness” know how much help I can use in this area. Apparently I also need help holding on to the container.

Today it was moisturizer. For my face.

Does this lotion make my leg look fat? My shins and calves are well-hydrated now.

On a positive note, I have a venti iced coffee and, now that I have earbuds in, shuffle on my phone is doing a stellar job playing DJ. A little punk rawk, a little Mitch, a little Hamilton, a little of this, a little of that. Let us pause for a moment while I avoid becoming a sobbing mess over Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story. Flashing back to second row center seats …

(Download the Hamilton app and you may also win the lottery for ten dollar founding father tickets.)

I did “get a word” last night. Sorry to everyone else in the room, but “endurance” was for me.

Okay, maybe it was for more than one me.

Onward.

Theological Woo

Often I know what I’m going to write about each week and sit down to start it a day or two ahead of time. Other times, like today, I don’t really know.

I understand writer’s block firsthand, I get it. But when people say they don’t know what to write about, I say just start writing. Stop your complaining and start by typing, “I don’t know what to write about.”

My struggle is more getting to the keyboard and that blank page in the first place. And I guess perhaps not everyone is as in tune with the stream of consciousness in their head as I am. Or not bold enough to share that stream of consciousness. All that to say …

Passengers, fasten your seatbelts and hold on to your hats.

I did say at lunch on Sunday, “That’ll be the subject of this week’s blog post,” in response to the conjecture that … wait for it …

Jesus had IBS.

You have no idea the party you’re missing by not dining with my crowd after church. We did invite a soul eating alone at a nearby table to join us. I have no idea why he declined.

Also I was joking about IBS being in the blog, but it’s now Thursday and here we are.

Jesus had IBS. Just kidding. I think that’s a load of excrement. ~ Jennifer Grashel Share on X

IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. In case you’ve been living under a rock and not listening to pharmaceutical commercials telling you what medication to request from your doctor to address said condition.

The friend uttering this conjecture was merely repeating what he heard recently from a pastor occupying a pulpit in a location that will remain undisclosed. The IBS thing is a vast extrapolation of what the bible actually said about Jesus weeping over the death of his friend Lazarus (who, you will recall, he raised from the dead after a few days). Apparently the original Greek translates something like, “He felt it in his bowels.” In modern day language we’d more likely say he felt it in his gut. Someone said they’d been taught the modern day equivalent would be more like, “He felt it in his heart.”

I can buy that maybe Jesus felt some digestive upset when hearing the news a close friend had passed. Jesus was fully human as well as fully God, after all. But IBS? That pastor needs to rein it in.

Whatever you do, do not Google Jesus, Lazarus, and bowels. Don’t. Do. It. You’ll get things like “16 Bible Verses About Bowels” and a whole lot of woo. Big, gigantic piles of woo. Woo, meaning, um, well since we’re talking about bowels and I try to keep things PG around here …

Excrement.

Theological excrement asserting all kinds of crazy theories. People actually believe this stuff? We’re all going straight to hell.

Here’s a spoon. Maybe it can be used to shovel some of those theories to where they belong.

Never mind. It probably belonged to my grandma. I rescued it from drowning and returned it to the kitchen sink.

Spend your time instead helping the poor, loving your neighbor, and at least reading The Message translation. Which makes no mention of bowels. I checked.

Peace out, Girl Scouts.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Aaaaaaah!

There. Primal screaming done for the moment. Or the next five minutes at least.

Do you ever have times when you get busy doing stuff and eventually come up for air and you’re not even sure what you accomplished but you just know you’re tired? And you feel like your exhaustion isn’t justifiable because What. Did. You. Even. Accomplish.

After a week or was it two … of schtuff – all good stuff, much of which involved choosing what was better – I found myself trying to remember what my plan was before this latest busyness attack.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” ~ Luke 10:41-42

I am blessed with the opportunity to set my own plan and schedule much of the time. Which leads to the perception that I’m either always working or never working, depending on your vantage point.

Here’s the thing, though. I may be a high energy individual, but the genetic lottery of thorns in my side I’ve won, combined with the space-time continuum puts a limit on what I can accomplish. Contrary to popular belief and a myth I often perpetuate, I am not a spring chicken. Summer chicken? Fall chicken? What do you call a middle aged chicken!?!

WiFi speeds not even up to dialup internet levels also put a limit on what I can accomplish.

In the midst of this latest busyness attack (I feel like I should create an acronym when using that phrase more than once … LBA), this chicken returned to her room for a sweater after loading up the car before church Sunday morning. I praise Jesus regularly for air conditioning in the summer, but sometimes I get cold. I looked down and discovered I was wearing two different style sandals. Both black, both the same brand, but different. My phone was already in the car, so you don’t get to see a pic. I felt vindicated for leaving Saturday’s cookout before the fireworks really got going. Apparently I needed even more sleep than an early(ish) evening afforded me. And probably a nap. Maybe a vacation full of naps.

In the era of 7 Easy Steps to Fix Your Life by Friday, there are no truly easy fixes. (Although a nap sounds like a good place to start.)

Also why does it feel like everyone is trying to fix me?

I’ve been in weight loss mode recently and occasionally have posted before and after pics to document progress and maintain some accountability. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but I thought I heard a collective groan when I didn’t say keto (the current trendy fad diet) in response to questions about how I did it. Um, I drank the nutritional shakes I’ve been drinking for years, sometimes more often than I had been, and I tracked food and steps. It’s calories in versus calories out and whatever it takes for you to balance that equation in the right direction. Eat less, move more. Make sure the calories you do eat fill you up and don’t leave you feeling deprived. If you have metabolism, hormonal, or other related medical issues, address those. It’s science. It’s math.

I’m never quite sure if people are just making conversation, looking for a plan that will work for them, or seeking an excuse to maintain their status quo. “I could never do keto … I could never do Plan XYZ (Remember the grapefruit diet? Gag me.) … I could never drink a smoothie for breakfast.”

Sometimes we’re faced with too many choices in life and in our overwhelmedness choose not to choose. Sometimes what we choose isn’t what we actually get. Or what we expected to get. I played food truck with the cousins the other day.

I was asked repeatedly what food I wanted. (And sometimes what toy because a five-year-old views the world in happy meals.) What came out in response didn’t look particularly like what I ordered, but, you know, imagination.

Eggplant Parmesan. (No, Barbie wasn’t wearing any clothes.)

Garlic bread. (Stealth bread! It’s what I’ve always wanted!)

Sometimes the work required to change the status quo is more effort than we want to put forth. Or are capable of putting forth. Sometimes the tradeoffs aren’t worth it. But in the era of internet trolls, unrealistic expectations, and a success-, possessions-, and accomplishments-driven society … someone is always waiting in the wings ready to say you’re wrong.

I learned over the weekend there is an online poetry generator. The only effort you need to put forth is answering a few questions. Someone described it as Poetry Mad Libs.

Here is the brilliant haiku the site generated for me.

Cold declivity
A fresh, avocado twirls
under the candy

Cold declivity ... A fresh, avocado twirls ... under the candy ~ Jennifer Grashel #haiku Share on X

I don’t believe it promises to know anything about comma splicing or capitalization conventions. Also it seems confused by the number of syllables in refrigerator. In all my spare time, I’m going to try to get it to split an infinitive.

Anyway.

As I have clawed my way back to remembering what it was I was actually doing, and that X needs to come before Y and Z, I was reminded of “what’s required of me.”

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
    what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
    be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously—
    take God seriously.
~ Micah 6:8 (from the groovy Message translation)