Blog – Jennifer Grashel

Tastes Like Chicken

A coworker once shared with me what she called the Louisiana philosophy regarding members of the animal kingdom, particularly as seen on the road.

If it’s dead, eat it. If it’s moving, try to kill it and eat it.

I’ve been thinking about that, um, wisdom? Not because I’ve had a sudden urge to become less of an “almost vegetarian”. It’s just that I’ve been doing quite a bit of late-night driving and it’s springtime in Ohio.

The other night I arrived home to find a fairly large toad parked in front of the garage door. By the time I made several trips into the house to unload the things, Mr. Toad had hopped inside a foot or two. I used a snow shovel to relocate him back to the driveway, then ran to hit the overhead door button. I swear I heard him hit the closed door a few second later, still trying to come inside.

The same night as I put away the things in the kitchen, I was greeted by a stink bug on the scratcher pad by the sink.

Well that’s getting sanitized in the dishwasher.

Later in the hallway I checked the thermostat, as it felt like we were overachieving on the air conditioning. Indeed it was not just me. As I reached to notch it up a degree or two, holy cow there’s a yellow or maybe albino spider on the dial.

I slayed it and moved on.

Coming to a concert venue near you … Albino Spiders.

A day or two later, I encountered not a five-pound possum but a raccoon in my headlights. It was making a beeline for somebody’s garbage I guess, so no Daniel Boone coonskin caps were created. Continuing on to home, as I turned into the driveway, there she was … doe, a deer, a female deer.

Last night, errr this morning, I encountered just one groundhog carcass. I managed to keep it between the navigational beacons.

If it’s not random vermin in the road coming after you … just wait, there’s monkeypox on its way apparently … and that killer in your pantry, recalled peanut butter.

Stay safe, friends.

We have some unrecalled pb. I feel like I should upgrade the home security system.

If you’re going to have cheese dip, have a boat of cheese dip.

Can I Get a Witness

A friend shared their hurt and disappointment over a friendship that had gone awry. They had been trying to witness to a non-believer, i.e. convert someone to Christianity.

“I’ve been a Christian for years and I’ve never brought anyone to Christ.”

Their shame and sense of failure was evident. They’ve mentioned worry over the possibility of losing their salvation before.

“Ummm, how many people do you have to ‘bring to Christ’ in order to get into heaven?”

“None.”

“Correct.”

Thank goodness many churches have gotten over guilting members into shoving the gospel down people’s throats, aka often how “witnessing” goes down. “Love God, love people, make disciples,” which pulls together a couple things Jesus said seems more meaningful in our culture. And far less preachy, weird, and all-about-ourselves achievement-oriented.

Sure, share what following Jesus has done for you, but not until asked or it fits naturally into a conversation. How about being friends / loving people without an agenda, without making them a project? People can smell that fakeness from a hundred miles away. Maybe in an anxiety-ridden society, talking about the peace you have – because Jesus – would be more impactful.

And to the denominations and churches that lead their parishioners to obsess over whether they’ve done enough to maintain their salvation … please stop. Yes, Jesus said keep his commands, and we should do that to the best of our human ability. But we’re saved by faith, not works.

The speaker at our recent ladies’ banquet at church talked about seeds of faith. Rarely is it just one person who brings someone to Christ. More often multiple people have planted seeds. We plant, God harvests. We’re responsible for being faithful, God is responsible for the results. In a culture where success is defined as overachieving, the accumulation of wealth, and personal happiness … is it any wonder we get everything backwards?

I shared with my friend this video about a woman who had been trafficked her entire life coming to faith. Viewer discretion is strongly advised and it’s 27-minutes long, but there’s something to be learned from her story.

Once saved, almost always saved, kids.

Love God, love people, make disciples.

Mailing It In to the Lost and Found

So what are we gonna write about today?

No idea.

Will anyone read it anyway?

Dunno.

I no know.

Does that matter?

They might be too busy reading Elon Musk buying things memes.

Should we mail it in?

Maybe.

Speaking of which, I just got the mail and found art.

Earlier I found Dale. Or possibly Chip.

The fierce warrior forages for vittles in the Amazonian jungle.

The other day I found the bluebird of happiness, who didn’t seem all that happy. WWE death matches were breaking out amongst our avian neighbors.

I also found pretty things.

And dinner.

And a pile of golden idols ready for smelting.

What I haven’t found this week is my mind. BOLO for Jenn’s mind.

Graupel Graupel

I thought we were done talking about the weather, but then …

Mother Nature said, “Watch this.”

And the meteorologists got all excited about having something to do.

And the snow happened …

And the wind happened …

And the rain happened …

And the sun happened …

And the graupel happened …

“He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink …

He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink …”

Wait, what?

What’s graupel? I’m smart, shouldn’t I know what graupel is? Alas, I had to Google.

Pretty much graupel is when crushed ice falls from the sky. Well maybe not exactly, but that’s what it looks like.

We experienced graupel and eighteen other seasons in about a five mile stretch of road last weekend.

I wonder if meteorologists sit around dreaming up new words to use. Graupel. Bomb cyclone. Derecho, which only God himself knows how to pronounce.

“Graupel reminds me of some word, but I can’t quite think of what.”

“Scrapple.”

“That’s it!”

Don’t know what scrapple is? Here, I Googled it for you. Pardon me while I throw up in my mouth a little.

Graupel reminds me of another word. Here it is set to music.

And yet another word comes to mind, which led me to this gem. I don’t even know what I’m looking at, but suddenly I’m craving bread dressing.

Checking out the Special Weather Statements on your app really is worthwhile. It might result in expanding your vocabulary.

Graupel graupel.

Graupel graupel graupel.

Graupel graupel graupel graupel graupel.

I needed Mexican food after all that graupel.

Send Help

Can we talk about the weather?

I mean, when it’s 74F outside but the forecast calls for snow showers tomorrow night … there’s gonna be some weather.

This was yesterday. It’s currently 30 deg colder.

I have come to realize in recent years how much the barometric pressure affects my body. I don’t have a trick knee that predicts rain, but maybe trick sinuses and my joints in general. The pressure doesn’t vary a ton – usually 30 inches of mercury around here, give or take a few hundredths or maybe tenths. Anything less than 30 … I feel a little off. Anything less than 29.5 … I am down for the count.

Guess where the barometric pressure has been since last night?

I’m not okay. Send help.

At least it’s not as low as 28.28, the lowest barometric pressure ever recorded in Ohio, during the infamous Blizzard of ’78.

Sadly, I don’t have the option of just crawling back into bed today. I gotta do the things. Or at least try to do the things. Attempt one at making my breakfast protein shake ended up as a spectacular Rorschach ink blot strewn across the stove and counter.

Cleanup on aisle six!

I didn’t stop to take photos. Form your own mental picture involving coffee, yogurt, shake mix, chia seeds, and Hershey’s Special Dark cocoa powder. A couple ice cubes made their way in there before the explosion.

I let Starbucks fix my afternoon coffee. I figured it was safer that way.

The things do not involve buying hollow birthday cake flavor, but if you need that it’s at Walmart.

Trying to think of a reason I need these because they’re pretty.

Something’s in the Air

I guess I just have to laugh?

I think, “Oh, I really should write something today.” And then tree trimming trucks from the electric company roll up into the neighborhood.

Yay for reliable power. Boo for waaaaah, waaaaah, waaaaah, boop, boop, boop, brrrrrrrrrrrrr, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, kapow, wham, kerchoo.

What was I doing again?

Apparently the Covid pandemic is over. Maybe. Kinda sorta. Unless. Except.

I’ve not been nearly as incensed as some people the last two years over the federal government’s handling of the pandemic, although if someone could take a communications and public relations class, that’d be great. Now the asterisk on the latest guidance is “unless you are an at-risk individual or around an at-risk individual still wear a mask talk to your doctor yada yada”. When the at-risk conditions include overweight and obesity … you just checked off two-thirds of the country right there.

Okay.

So what do I do again?

Here’s a handy page where you can look up your county’s transmission level (or that of somewhere you’re traveling) under the new red-yellow-green light system. There’s also a spiffy interactive map showing most of the country is green (i.e. low transmission rate, everyone go party) and highlighting the pockets where more caution is prudent.

Except if your household is high risk do what?

I mentioned to friends about now wanting to go places and see people and do things but also not. I am saying yes to a few more social occasions. This societal PTSD has me weary, though. I expect it does for you, too. Anyone who proudly tells me they never changed their behavior at all the last two years is likely to get their heart blessed. If they have one, that is.

All that to say I think I need a coffee. Or a well-pollinated nap. Coffee can help that pollen thing. Maybe I need both.

Peace and love, all y’all.

A most interesting version of chili rellenos that lasted for three meals. I liked it!

Like a Thief in the Night

Carrying on with last week’s theme, how many plot twists do you encounter daily? I’m up to about 5,347.

There are so many things stealing my time.

I’m a fan of efficiency. I am not a fan of thievery.

Sometimes we ask ourselves, “So what does the bible say about _____?”

In this case, stealing.

You shall not steal. ~Exodus 20:15

I think we pretty much all know that one.

Whoever steals an ox or a sheep and slaughters it or sells it must pay back five head of cattle for the ox and four sheep for the sheep. If a thief is caught breaking in at night and is struck a fatal blow, the defender is not guilty of bloodshed; but if it happens after sunrise, the defender is guilty of bloodshed. Anyone who steals must certainly make restitution, but if they have nothing, they must be sold to pay for their theft. If the stolen animal is found alive in their possession—whether ox or donkey or sheep—they must pay back double. ~Exodus 22:1-4

That’s an interesting take. The at night versus after sunrise. I’m thinking this might be one of those “OT only, does not exactly apply in modern times” things. But who knows.

Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another. ~Leviticus 19:11

Yep.

You shall not steal. ~Deuteronomy 5:19

Again.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. ~John 10:10

Indeed.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ~Matthew 6:19

Moths and vermin and thieves. Got it.

… nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ~1 Corinthians 6:10

Ah, 1 Corinthians 6 is always a fun one.

Sooooo …

I guess thieves happen?

You know, like bloodthirsty dictators deciding to steal another sovereign nation?

Hashtag starts with P, ends with N, and sounds like tootin’?

But enough about politics. I think I need to go read some more scripture.

Surprise

Do you ever have a moment where you feel like Tippi Hedren? Or maybe Edgar Allan Poe?

It may not be a bird or birds suddenly appearing, making you wonder what is going on with the weather, seasons, and alignment of the planets.

Have you ever witnessed a wild turkey running through your yard? Not the alcoholic kind, although the animal version kind of moves as if intoxicated. They’re so skinny and bear no resemblance whatsoever to Butterball, that you might wonder what you’re looking at and whether you’ve lost your mind.

Maybe a different member of the animal kingdom or even just a series of events shows up in front of you, requiring immediate attention. Welcome to my world. I expect your world may be similar.

There are multiple “don’t be surprised” sentiments in scripture. Also the Apostle Peter and the Boy Scouts say always be prepared.

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, ~1 Peter 3:15

None of the “don’t be surprised” references say anything about wildlife, though. They don’t really address plot twists, either.

So carry on and feel free to be surprised the next time a wild turkey crosses your path.

Bandwidth and Shiny Gold Idols

Greetings from my unplanned hiatus.

Everything is fine. Sometimes life reprioritizes our priorities.

I was talking with friends the other day about the phenomenon in Corporate America of “a job well done is rewarded with more work”. And how too often managers asked to help prioritize projects and tasks just don’t, instead telling their employees to “do it all”. Either literally or in so many words.

I can’t do it all. I don’t have the bandwidth. And I don’t have to. And I’m still awesome.

😊

Careers are fine, but the need to have it all and do it all can be an idol. Do you know what happens when we try to hold on to more than we’re able?

We drop things. Or possibly make abstract art, not sure.

Yesterday I was greeted at the dollar spot by a shiny collection of golden rabbits.

This is what we have come to in 2022. We are to decorate our homes for Resurrection Sunday with five dollar golden calves, um I mean bunnies.

(See Exodus 32 btw.)

On my way to the back of store, I did not see the goose that laid these golden eggs. Not sure what happened to it. Perhaps we sacrificed it on the altar of the bullseye.

I kid about the shiny golden things.

I think.

Right now I’m staring out the window at torrential rain falling and fog making everything just a bit spooky. The weather, as always, is … existing. One week we have half a foot of permafrost leftover from a winter storm, the next we’re breaking out the arks.

Time marches on and all we can do is all we can do.

The woman low on bandwidth sets off across the frozen tundra. Or snaps a pic of the aforementioned permafrost on the roof of her car.

Time and Change

I’ve been trying to combat the winter bleakness with self-care. Healthier habits. Endorphins.

I just finished day 1 of a 30-day yoga video series and have verified how out of shape I am.

Bahaha.

To be clear, I actually did the yoga poses. I didn’t only watch the video.

It was a balance of challenging but doable, so I suppose I found the right difficulty level.

A lasagna is reportedly being dropped off for dinner, so not sure about healthy habits for the rest of the day. New Year’s shenanigans continue. Some people respond with a lasagna.

All things in moderation, though.

e.g. Will the 30-day yoga series be done in 30 days? Probably not.

In an era when binge-watching is part of our vocabulary … eh, didn’t binge used to be a bad thing?

The Chosen has “Binge Jesus” merch, so there is that.

I finished listening to White Guilt by Shelby Steele yesterday. I think I’m going to listen to it again. The audiobook is fairly new, although the print version has been around for about fifteen years. The book posits that white supremacy transitioned to white guilt following the civil rights movement of the 1960s. And it’s bad for everybody. Given the racism label that gets thrown around, often carelessly and falsely these days, it’s an interesting and relevant cultural discussion.

So I guess I’m thinking about how things change over time. Language. What’s considered moral and immoral. What will get you canceled.

I don’t have any earth-shattering conclusions. Other than, I guess, go ahead and binge Jesus.